A client of mine came to me exhausted.
Not the kind of exhausted that sleep fixes. The kind that builds up over years of repeating the same cycle and quietly wondering if you’re the problem.
Every relationship she entered started beautifully. Someone who made her feel seen, chosen, special. And then slowly the dynamic would shift. She would shrink. She would over-explain herself. She would give more than she had and convince herself that was just what love required.
Then it would end. She would grieve it. And then without realizing it — she would do it all over again.
The Myth of Being “Unlucky in Love”
When she first came to me, she had a whole list of reasons why. Wrong people. Bad timing. She was just unlucky in love. Every explanation pointed somewhere outside of herself.
I didn’t argue with her. I just asked her one question: What did all of these people have in common?
She sat with that for a while. Then she said — they all needed me to be less than I am.
Choosing Familiar Feelings over Healthy Ones
That was the moment things started to shift. Because she hadn’t been choosing the wrong people over and over. She had been choosing familiar feelings. Feelings that weren’t good for her but felt like home because she had learned them early.
She had grown up understanding that to be loved you had to earn it. That “too much” of you was too much for people to handle. So, without realizing it, she kept finding people who confirmed exactly that subconscious belief.
How to Break the Pattern
Breaking the pattern didn’t start with meeting someone new. It started with her finally seeing her behavioral patterns and deciding she was tired enough to try something different.
She did the inner work. It wasn’t linear. It wasn’t pretty. But she stopped blaming luck and started getting honest with herself. And that changed everything.
What pattern have you been calling bad luck?
